"Why We Waited Until Our Wedding Day to Kiss & WHY IT'S WORTH IT."

In honor of our 4 year wedding anniversary tomorrow, I decided to write a blog about our journey. xo

So, you may have heard our story through our books,  YouTube videos & blogs that we waited 1 year and 8 months to kiss until our wedding day. I'm not wearing it as a badge of honor to pat myself on the back, but moreso to remind this generation that there's people willing to honor God regardless of what this silly society pressures them to do. We decided to honor God NOT to bring glory to ourselves but to bring glory to HIM. He graced us during that season.

I felt led to write this blog because I'm seeing worldly blogs out there encouraging people NOT to wait to have sex until they get married. And these people claim to be Christians. I'm sorry, if you are pursuing sin and encouraging people to sin prior to marriage then you aren't a Christian. You're a liar and the truth is not in you. This may sound harsh, but I didn't set the standard, the bible did. You don't wear the title of Christian because you uttered a few words. Even demons believe in Jesus. There should be some fruit of living for Jesus in your life.

John 8:44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

1 John 2:3 Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. 4 He who says, “I know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

God is clear to us when He tells us that our bodies is the very temple of the Holy Spirit. So, if you are reading blogs that oppose that standard that I encourage you to stop reading. This life aint' about you. This life is about Jesus Christ and through HIM, we can do all things.

So, if we know that sex outside of marriage is a sin because we read these scriptures:

1 Corinthians 5:1 It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife. (KJV)

1 Corinthians 6:9–10 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. (KJV)

1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. (ESV)

2 Corinthians 12:21 And lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and that I shall bewail many which have sinned already, and have not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed. (KJV)

Galatians 5:19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness ... (KJV)

Ephesians 5:3–5 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. (KJV)

 If I can be totally honest, it breaks my heart that people would encourage others to have sex prior to marriage. It's NOT BIBLICAL. Pray for whoever's sharing the info & keep it moving. 

I'm reminded of: 

2 Timothy 3:1-5 ...'This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.'

First, I wasn't a virgin when I met my husband and he wasn't a virgin either-- but together, we decided to do something different in our relationship. He was 22 and I was 26 and we had never been in a relationship, Gods way. I grew up not thinking that sex outside of marriage was wrong. I thought it was ok. I attended a church that didn't teach anything bout fornication and I didn't even know what the word meant. I called it "fornificantion." When I was sitting in a bible study, the preacher started to talk about sex outside of marriage and I asked my friend, "wait, that's WRONG?!" I seriously didn't know.  Thank God that He took the blinders off my eyes.

Would I have waited to have sex until I met my husband if I would have known what I know NOW? Um. YES. I would have avoided silly soul ties or bridges, heartbreak and pain. I left pieces of myself with guys and those relationships tormented me years after we broke up. A piece of myself in California. A piece of myself in Michigan. A piece of myself in New York. I "almost" got married to a couple of those guys so to say that "we plan on being together anyway-- we should just have sex" doesn't make sense either because it was all based in hope with no concrete plan for the future. " We didn't have a ring. Even if we did, it wasn't final until I do. 

I struggled while I was single because I felt like I needed to be in a relationship to find value. Then, I learned that I needed a relationship with CHRIST, not with a human to be whole. No man, no job, no woman, no degree or anything else can fill this huge void in my heart that God placed there.

In 2004 while in prayer, I asked the Lord for a man that wouldn't kiss me until my wedding day. Deep down, I knew that any guy that kissed me after that.. wouldn't be my husband. Did I still kiss them? Um yes. I didn't do my part either.. but I wanted a man to lead me. I wanted him to tell me NO, we are going to honor God. I wanted a man that wouldn't dare pull my clothes off my body until my last name changed to his legally. I wanted a man that HAD A STANDARD. I wanted a man that TRULY loved JESUS. You see, it's hard for ONE person to have a standard in the relationship but if you guys aren't walking together & on the same PAGE then one person is going to cause the other person to stumble  & fall. Sis, if you don't want to have sex until you get married and your'e tired of running off men with your standard then make up in your mind that you would rather be single & whole in Jesus than to be dating randoms that are only USING your body & tossing you to the side. I had to MAKE up in my mind in 2008 that I was going to be single for the REST of my life vs. being married to somebody who fit my dysfunction. I made up in my mind that I was going to be SINGLE & content in the LORD until He brought His best. I didn't want God to bring someone into my life but there was no room for him. That seat next to me needed to be empty. Then, in 2009 the Lord brought my husband to me.  I knew within 15 minutes that we were going to get married one day. 12 months later he proposed and 8 months after that we married and kissed for the first time on our wedding day. On our FIRST date, Cornelius told me that he wasn't going to kiss me until our wedding day. I NEVER told him my desire. That night I laid in my bed with tears in my eyes and asked the Lord.. "God, how did Cornelius know? Lord, you answered my prayers. Thank you for showing me that your way is the best way."

Can I be honest..

This is the issue sis, so many of us are keeping the seat next to us filled-- not with one man, but with about 10-12 men. Stacked up sitting next to you on this chair. That chair is filled with all of your soul bridges and ties and a few rotating men that you rotate out depending on who will text you back. You've seem to lost your standard & your way because you don't think that any man would truly love you the way that Christ loves the church. You're being hidden sweetheart. You are so beautiful, so purposed, so valued that God has you covered for a season. He's so jealous for you and He longs for all of you and for your eyes to finally be on Him again. He longs for the attention you give to those sorry men.

I recall prior to meeting my husband I was single and working at a record label. A male co-worker told me that I was a waste of a vagina but he used a more explicit word. Some of the artists would try to talk to me through him and he would share with them that I was "a church girl & a waste." Did I get mad at him? No. I was actually sad for him. I was sad that he was being used by the enemy to try to discourage me and he had no idea. I grieved for his soul. Although he didn't know my worth, I knew who I was in Christ and no man on this earth was going to take that away from me. He told me that I was going to be single forever and miserable. I simply smiled and told him that I was praying for him. Why argue? He was ready for a fight and I knew that God could show him much better than I could ever show him. 

This point reminds me to ask you this question: WHO are you listening to? If you're single and trusting God's timing-- why are you letting co-workers, friends, family members & whoever else pressure you to conger up some man? STICK with your standards! Its SO worth it. Don't rush into a relationship to satisfy a nagging parent. Just stop it. YOU have to wake up to that person everyday, not your family members.

So, onto our wedding day and why it was so worth it. 

I remember sitting in my bridal suite and I was so nervous! I was about to kiss my fiancé for the first time in my life. We'd been together for
almost 2 years and our communication was so amazing, I felt like I really KNEW him but I had never seen him naked. Never touched any area of his body in the wrong type of way, never had sex, never kissed- even on his hand. The first time we kissed after we were announced as "husband & wife." We kissed!!! Was it like fireworks? Not really. But it was beautiful. Kinda nerve-wrecking because all of your family is watching this moment! But I was still trying to take it ALL in. I still couldn't believe that we were "allowed" to kiss because I had trained myself so long to NOT kiss.

Now, I'm about to get really personal, when we went back to the hotel room, I was so nervous and not sure about everything. Do we shower together? Does he even like to shower together? Does he help  me take my dress off? We were BOTH super nervous about the whole thing. Did I let it overwhelm me? No. God started this relationship & HE will perfect it if I LET HIM.

Then, we started to crack jokes to help lighten the mood of all of these crazy expectations that we put on ourselves. The same God that joined us together in marriage will join us together in consummating our marriage. He will grace us. He will teach us. HE made sex for marriage. So, I casted all of my care onto Him because He cared for us! I even gave him my guilt. 

You may think, WHY did you feel guilty Heather? I had gone SO long in unhealthy relationships & having sex OUTSIDE of marriage that I felt GUILTY for those first couple months being able to have sex within marriage. I was used to beating myself up after disobeying God that I took that bad way of thinking into my marriage. I had to REMIND myself that God was with us and that HE honored our marriage covenant.

Now,  4 years into our marriage, I'm thankful that we waited to kiss until our wedding day.

1. I never really respected men because I always felt like they said one thing & did another thing. Courting Cornelius showed me that he knew where he was going and what he was doing. I respected his purpose  & direction. I didn't feel like I needed to lead him. So, your guy should be able to articulate WHERE God is taking him & the part YOU play. 
2. Waiting forced me to deal with my crazy emotions that manipulated the guys I would date. For example, I was having a rough day while we were courting and I called Cornelius and said I was flying to Atlanta (I lived in NYC at the time) to spend the weekend there. He said, "why?" And I shared with him that I was stressed out and I needed to get away. He told me no. "Wait, NO!" I screamed at him! You aren't normal! I just want to fly down there to forget about my week and you're not letting me. This is NORMAL. He responded gently, "Heather, I won't let you run from your problems. Face whatever is going on there with Gods help. He will help you & show you and I won't be a part of crippling your development." AND then he hung up. I sat there, stunned. WAIT, WHAT?! HOW dare HE?!? Does he not know that I can have anybody I want?! Then, God began to show me that I run when it gets hard and instead of turning to Him, I turn to getting away. So, that weekend I turned off my phone and I sat before the Lord. I let Him begin to pull out that crap that was in my  heart. 
3. Waiting to kiss forced him as well to deal with communication. He HATED to talk on the phone and the phone was all we had as we were long distance, but saw each other at least 2-4x a month. It forced him to develop and be intentional about picking up the phone and developing in that area. Check out his blog here about other areas it developed for him. 
4. Waiting to kiss allowed for God to truly flow through us undistracted by physical sin. I had dated this worlds way and courted Gods way. I hated that overwhelmed feeling that I would have after I was doing things I knew I shouldn't be doing. It was refreshing to be able to walk down the street with this guy and hold his hand.. knowing that God was within that relationship. I had NEVER experienced that. It was beautiful. SIN wasn't ruining my CONFIDENCE in the Lord. 
5. Lastly, amongst so many other reasons, waiting to kiss disciplined us. We had to constantly tell our flesh NO! It was hard at times to set boundaries & to trust Gods timing concerning getting married. We didn't want to rush and make an emotional decision to marry just because we weren't kissing. We wanted to know WHO we were marrying. I am a very affectionate person and for ME, not being able to express my affection was HARD. We never cuddled. We barely hugged. I had to give that care to God daily and at times, I would be in TEARS. I was so used to my fleshly needs being met while courting and this time forced me to trust God. 

There's so many other reasons, but in light of our 4 year anniversary tomorrow, I wanted to share a few things that were on my heart. Note that I'm not telling you to do the same thing as far as not kissing but I knew that kissing was foreplay that would LEAD to other things. I just didn't want to kiss-- I wanted to do ALOT more. So, kissing was the small flame that turned into a raging fire. You may think you can control yourself, but ask yourself.. how has that been working for you?

Be led by the Lord. The last thing you want to do is be in a relationship with someone that fits where you see yourself NOW and not where GOD is taking you. Cut off ANYBODY or anything that is hindering your walk with the Lord. It's never, ever, ever worth it. A tree is identified by it's FRUIT, so if she or he says they are a Christian, they will produce Christ-like fruit. 

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. Use code JESUS for 10% off!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book,  Dusty Crowns, here! 

5. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference2015.eventbee.com!

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 24,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. Be sure to click on the calendar above for my speaking schedule! I'm headed to Miami, Atlanta, LA and a few other awesome spots!

8. We are hosting an event in LA on October 4th, I want to see you there! http://www.eventbee.com/v/pinkypromise/event?eid=169814152

God loves you like crazy,

Love you all dearly,

Heather Lindsey 

"I Think I Married the Wrong Man"

Just to quickly clear this up, I definitely didn't marry the wrong man. I am married to an awesome man by the name of Cornelius and he truly loves me like Christ loves the church. He's not PERFECT by any means. but he is sure working on being a better man DAILY as I am too. He's an amazing leader, husband, father & all that other good stuff. He really considers our family and puts us first after God.

But, have I ever thought that I married the wrong person? Um. yes. How many times? Maybe 40-50 times in our 4 years of being married. Especially during our first year of marriage. I thought, Oh, God! I wish I would have married someone that was more like this or that, which was a lie because everybody has an issue so if it's not that issue, it's something else.

Let me just give you some background- as most of you know, we waited to kiss until our wedding day.  So, you would think that BECAUSE we waited that things would be strawberries and flowers everyday afterwards-- psh, please. I realized even more that first year how IMPORTANT it is to marry a man that really loves Jesus because your marriage is going to get hit with attacks and if you don't have that solid foundation, your marriage may not make it. I seriously believe the ONLY reason that we are married to this day is because of the cross. If Jesus came and died for our sins and gave us an opportunity to be in the right relationship with Jesus-- can we not take on that same example and die to ourselves in our marriage?

Our first year was a rough year. I honestly didn't think we would make it. No, we didn't cheat on each other or anything crazy but we sure went through IT and back.

While courting, my husband worked full time at a "megachurch" and he pretty much was the chief of staff. He ran multiple departments, we had a "special" parking spot at church and had a "reserved" front row seat of a 10,000 seat church. He made great money, had a house, car and purpose. I didn't marry him for those reasons-- I married him because I believed in him, respected him, loved him and because the Lord told me to marry him. I knew that we would eventually leave and start our own ministry, I just didn't know it would be so soon.

Three months into our marriage, my husband got extremely quiet. For about 2 weeks, he didn't say much of anything to me and it was SO hard! I quickly learned that when he gets really quiet for periods of time, it's because the Lord is dealing with him about something and it's not me (that was a huge struggle, because I didn't want him to be mad at me!). So, by week two-- I got the memo. Then, he came to me and told me that the Lord wanted him to quit his job and to move to Mississippi. Huh? Wait, huh? "Well, babe-- I support you. I am excited and I will go find me a pair of cowboy boots and enjoy Mississippi." You see, Cornelius could have told me that we were moving to Alaska and I would have been online looking up snowsuits. I simply believed in my husband and that He is constantly led by the Lord. So, leaving "everything" wasn't the hard part. The hard part was when we actually GOT to Mississippi. No church. No friends.  Our old "pretend" friends were talking about us for leaving the church & saying that we missed God. Still trying to figure out how to leave your past, family and whatever else and become "one flesh." It was plain hard. We would get into huge fights because it was just him and I in this tiny 1-bedroom apartment and we weren't used to being together 24-7. I was working from home for a Software Hedge Accounting firm and he would pray and study 7-9 hours a day. It was a huge difference from our life before because our finances really became ONE. Then, we got pregnant. I cried because I didn't want to get pregnant (which was so selfish, but I came from the New York mindset of career first) and Cornelius was super excited. Then, 6 weeks later we miscarried. Then, my step dad suddenly passed away. (My father passed in 2000) Then, my nephew committed suicide, then, my friend suddenly had a brain aneurysm and died. All of these things hits me like a brick. Then, we had to cut back on everything because we were living on one salary so we would argue about money. All of this happened within 6 months of being married. I still didn't really trust him because I was crazy and had been lied to and cheated on by so many guys in my past, I felt like I had to keep tabs on him. He felt the same way and couldn't trust me either. We BOTH didn't do anything to make the other feel this way.. it was just an attack from our old mindset.  We were both a TRAIN WRECK to say the least. After one huge argument, we both screamed at each other, "I WANT A DIVORCE!!!"

As I balled my eyes out in the closet, I started to ponder where I could go. We live in Mississippi. I have no friends. I have nowhere to go. I can afford a hotel room for a night, but we don't really have it, so I felt trapped. I felt like I had no where to go and I felt like nobody understood me. I am stuck in this marriage and we waited to kiss.. & all we do is FIGHT. I learned that becoming "one flesh" wasn't a fairytale and because we had so much crap in our past-- that when we "work out our salvation.." it's going to be HARD sometimes. So as I sat there.. I questioned:

Did I marry the wrong one Lord? Show me God!

"No Heather, you didn't "marry the wrong one. Through this marriage, I will teach you what it means to love the way that I love-- and that is unconditionally. I will use Cornelius to show you your true self so that you can repent of your sin and truly be made in my image. And did you know that I created Cornelius and I can give you the insight on him? On how to deal wisely with him and how to win him over? I created him."

It hit me like a ton of bricks. 

God, YOU know Cornelius. I'm over here trying to figure out this man.. and you can show me how to have a peaceful marriage. At WHAT point did I pick up my life Lord? Oh Gosh, I'm so sorry. I repent. Teach me how to be a woman after your own heart in every single way.

Galatians 3:3
How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?

I had picked up my own life at some point and then I started to see the fruit of it. I was operating as a wife in my own human effort and ability and constantly came up short in submission, in loving him, in respecting him and a peaceful marriage. I nagged him, tried to control what he ate, how he dressed and just about everything. What's crazy is this:: I contemplated, "God, did I marry the wrong one?" AS I NAGGED the mess out of my husband. Isn't it ironic how we focus on what the other person "should" be doing while we totally reject and ignore our portion? Even in my selfish prayers of "asking my husband" to change-- God began to really deal with my heart. And, finally I let Him. He began to show me where I was wrong and that he reveals weaknesses in my husband-- not for me to bash him, but for me to pray for him. 



Did you know that when you PRAY for your husband, you're actually praying for yourself? You are one flesh! How beautiful is this? So, I started to bind some things up & I went before the Lord about BOTH of our weaknesses. Instead of bashing Cornelius, I started to pray earnestly for him and I stayed on my face before the Lord. During the day-- if he tried to argue or there was an opportunity to nag-- I would just shut up. I would silently cry out to the Lord and I would go to the bathroom or my quiet time space. "Lord, you know what I've been praying and that conversation didn't line up with my prayers. So, God, give me the grace to love him. Give me the grace to understand him. Show me my ways Jesus. Help me to live for you in everyday." You may be screaming, but "WHAT about YOU Heather?! Why is it that WE always have to change." Well, honey-- somebody has to change. And because you're reading this-- maybe God is encouraging you to be the bigger person & exercise that love muscle? Satan is AFTER your godly relationships. He's AFTER your marriage & you're just letting him tap-dance on your life. STOP it. LOVE back & HARD.

When you get married, you are CLOSE to another person. You see all of their weaknesses, flaws, problems, joys, strengths and struggles. So, what do you do when you're that close? Beat them up and criticize them, or do you get on your face on behalf of your spouse and cry out to God? Some of you are so mad at God because of your marriage that you don't even spend time with Him anymore. You have all together given up on your marriage and God. Sis, it's time to get back to the heart of worship. If you feel far away from God-- someone moved.

James 4:8 "Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world."

So, draw close to God. AND then, He will come close to you. Know that He is always, always, always there. But if He feels far away, you most likely pushed Him to that position while placing things over him. As you continue to read that same verse, it says that your loyalty is divided between God and that wedge is what is separating you from His sweet presence and wisdom.

You may have questions.

1. But Heather, I married an unbeliever. What do I do?
Now, this isn't an excuse to marry a unbeliever. If you're dating or engaged to someone you're unequally yoked with-- I encourage you to end that relationship. Don't make excuses that "you're going to save him" because you cannot save him sis. There's a chance that he may never get saved and that he will resent the God you love so much for the next 40 years.

Back to the question-- I know it's hard, but "Win him over with your quiet & gentle spirit." based on 1 Peter 3:4. It won't be easy and it's easier SAID than done but if you want a great marriage, we must do what the bible says in regards to bringing peace to the home.

2. You don't know my husband. He's crazy! He refuses to meet my needs!
I can totally understand how you feel. I have felt the same way before. My husbands love language is acts of service & my love language is touch. So, for a LONG time-- I felt like he was ignoring my love language as he ran around doing "acts of service." We have to remember that when we get married, it no longer becomes about "my needs." My best advice would be to stop focusing on what you think he needs to do and focus on Jesus. Yes, its that simple. I watched my marriage change when I stopped nagging my husband, having stinky attitudes, and complaining all the time. Ask the Lord to help you, He's not surprised by whats happening.

3. My husband is cheating on me. What do I do? 
My heart breaks that you're going through this huge test. I couldn't imagine what you're going through right now. My advice to you would first and foremost is to believe God for reconciliation. If your husband is repentant, try to find counseling collectively & separately. The biggest hurtle with this test is trusting and and forgiveness. FORGIVE people when they sin against you. If you do, your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive people their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14, 15). This may seem impossible, but with God's grace, the victim can make it an act of the will in obedience to God's Word. To carry bitterness will affect attitudes, emotions, and the desire to obey God, and it will negatively affect everyday decisions. But the grace of God will greatly minister to your needs. We must let God minister to our needs-- running from your marriage into the arms of another man for payback or quitting on God will get you nowhere. Not forgiving & casting your care on God will birth a unforgiving heart that will soon be tormented with vengeful thoughts, anger, wrath, etc. Then, as God leads, forgiveness and reconciliation can follow. Even if this takes time, every effort must be made to forgive and reconcile. (See Matthew 5:23-24.)

4. How long.. do I have to keep doing the right thing until he changes?
Well, what is your motive for doing the right thing? For a cookie? I don't mean to be harsh sis, but if your motive is based on conditions, you've already lost the battle. We must do what we do out of real, unconditional love-- not out of a ".. he better respond this way or else" attitude. Although your words change, your demeanor may stay the same-- so he can sense your "funkiness." I'm always reminded of the grace Jesus gives me when I want to withhold grace from my husband.

5. Heather, why are you telling me everything I need to do and you aren't blaming this man!
Well, your man isn't reading this, you are sis. Again, lets get the focus off of you & put it on Jesus. Have you given up hope that the Lord can fix your problem? Remember that nothing is impossible for Him. He can restore, heal and give life again.


I love you all, I really do. I want nothing more than to see you joyful and fulfilling the will of God for your life and strife in your relationships could hinder that. If your hardened against your husband then you are also hardened against God. TRUST me that I am taking up my cross on a DAILY basis with my very STRONG personality-husband and praying for him to become more like Christ. You're not alone in this journey.

Just a few things:

1. SO excited that I just released my NEWEST book, "Dusty Crowns!!" Find it here. 

2. My hubby just released his newest book too!! It's called "Learning how to walk: Inspiring others to walk by faith!"  You can find it here. 

3. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. Use code JESUS for 10% off!

4. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

5.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

6. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

7. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

8. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 24,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

9. We are hosting an event in LA on October 4th, I want to see you there! http://www.eventbee.com/v/pinkypromise/event?eid=169814152

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

My new book is here!!! "Dusty Crowns"

Dusty Crowns: Dusting yourself off and becoming the woman God called you to be

Have you ever felt like you are completely inadequate and regardless of what you do—you still don’t feel good enough? Well, Heather Lindsey felt the same way for years and she would try to earn God’s love and affirmation. After searching to fill her “God voids” in things, she learned what it meant to be the crown of her spiritual husband, God. Instead of chasing after unhealthy relationships, money and things, she sought a relationship with Jesus and He dusted her past off and made all things new. This book is a reminder that regardless of how far you have gotten away from God, He is still right there, ready to dust you off and make you whole.

In this book, you will:

• Learn what it means to be the crown of Jesus Christ and the crown of your physical husband, from the inside out.

• Learn to protect your heart, mind and life from distractions.

• Learn to enjoy the current season of your life and develop into the woman God called you to be.

• Learn to refuse to settle for anything or anyone less than God’s best for your life.

• See yourself how God sees you—valued, beautiful and special in His eyes.

• Take advantage of the tests and trails and develop in patience

Join Heather Lindsey on a heart-to-heart journey to becoming who God called you to be from the inside out. Dusty Crowns challenges women, whether single or married to be beautiful from the inside out and to accomplish the will of God for their life.

 You can find it HERE

or

Amazon/ Kindle

Thank you SO much for the love and support. After ONE day, the kindle version became the #1 best selling book! God is faithful.

ALSO, my amazing husband released HIS book as well! Its called: "Learning How to Walk: Inspiring Others to Walk By Faith" & you can find it here.

Thanks again.

Love you all,
Heather Lindsey 

"Why he's NOT going to be your Husband"

Can I be honest? I believe that there's this growing trend in the church of women, "waiting for their adam" to wake up and instead of trusting God & His timing-- they are becoming distracted. Its important that if you're "waiting" for your Adam to wake up, that your eyes are completely on Jesus and not crushing on every man at the church and social media. 

Lets check out these scenarios:

1. "Girlllll, you see that new man in that blue suit at church today? He is so fine. And did you see the way he looked at me and then when he went up for prayer? I was singing at church and the Lord told me to look right and then he said.. "that's going to be your husband." And I was like ooooh myyyy gosh, it's about time, my Adam woke up!! Let me go make sure he knows that he's going to be my husband."

Response: Sis, if it's God-- He will tell BOTH parties. You cannot manipulate your will over another persons will and pray that you'll end up together. If it's really God, peace will follow and He will divinely set things up. If not, it's not Him and it's witchcraft or manipulation. So, if the above is true, then rest. The problem with the above is this:: you may have your kids and entire life planned out and he may have a girlfriend who lives in another state. Then, when he brings his girlfriend to the church and she joins your small group-- you may be mad at her because you think she took your man. BUT, God wanted to use you in each others life but because you allowed jealousy, confusion & strife into your heart-- you passed up a beautiful relationship all in the name of bitterness. And honestly, if God did tell you that "he's going to be your husband, then mind your business-- even if it takes the guy a couple years to pursue you. God isn't a liar so if it's HIM, it will happen. Time shall tell so in the interim, get your mind OFF of a ring and onto Christ. When we redirect our focus, He fills us up & we learn that we need Him, not another event.

I recall a time where me and Cornelius were engaged and he was in the bookstore after church. I wasn't visiting that weekend and this woman asked him where todays "recorded" sermon was located and he showed her-- she continued to ask and then he said, "it's right in front of you, are you blind?" (my hubby's come a long way, he used to be very blunt! lol) She responded: "I'm not blind, matter of fact, I like exactly what I see."And he said, "I'm sorry, but I'm engaged." She said, "you're not married yet." Huh? Blank-stare. Don't be that woman sis.

(While Courting- Aug 2009)

2. GIRL! Have you seen so & so's instagram page? He talks so much about Jesus. I'm going to go on  his page and post things everyday so maybe he will notice me & reach out to me. 

Response: Well, your friend has been checking for so & so too and she thinks that he's the one for her too. Now, she feels uncomfortable sharing things with you so it's become a competition in her mind. So, now-- both of you are quietly chasing for this mans attention and he doesn't even know either of you exist & you're slowly becoming bitter towards your friend as she reminds you of how much she likes him daily.
I'm reminded of:
Song of Soloman 8:4 "Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right."

There's a TIME that the love will be right and some of us are trying to wake up somebody else's adam.
So, until the right TIME comes, we have to rest and keep our eyes on Jesus. Remember this: If satan knows that you're thirsty for a man, he will send a man that your "old self" is attracted to but his heart won't be totally right with God. In your heart, you'll KNOW that you're settling. You will have zero peace about him but because you're lonely and tired of being single, you will continue to date him. You think in your mind that its better to be with someone than to be with no one & have to explain to others why you're single. But, if you continue in that mindset, you will ONLY dig a hole SO deep that you will eventually MISS out on the guy that God has for you.

If I can be transparent with you, I kept a boyfriend prior to my husband. I went from man to man, relationship to relationship because I liked the attention, to be loved and to be desired. But then, I kept hitting rock bottom in those relationships. And honestly, it wasn't always the guys-- it was ME. I was a TRAIN wreck. I tried to make those relationships idols and tag God's name to it. I tried to control the relationships and I continued to come up empty. I didn't need a man, I needed a Savior and I kept confusing the two. 

I wanted to be loved, cared for, thought about and protected but I didn't realize that I was searching in all the wrong places. Then, one day-- I realized that I will never be truly happy unless I'm whole in Jesus. I needed Him. So, I broke things off with my then boyfriend. I told him that I needed space and time to think because I'm confident that I was only ruining his life with my up and down confusion. I was single for a season and then I met my now husband. One of the FIRST questions my now husband asked me was pretty much this: "Do you have a boyfriend?"If I had a boyfriend, he would have kept it moving because a godly man with purpose doesn't have time for a woman with a bunch of baggage and a boyfriend. How do you expect the Holy Spirit to flow through that confusion? Why even start off on the wrong foot?

3. There's like NO men at my church, so I need to go after the ones that are there and get one before he's taken. 

Response: Sis, do you know that God can import a man? After I dated a few guys in NYC, I told the Lord that He is going to have to import my husband because I sure tried and I was TIRED of doing the picking. I told God that He's going to have to "drop" my husband from the sky and he literally did. :) My now husband had to fly into NYC for work every week so, he dropped into NYC from Atlanta. Isn't it funny how God has such a sense of humor? 

The truth:

You may think that getting into a relationship will fill your many voids but honestly, you will wake up one day and your bed may be filled with a husband and children but you still feel empty. You then blame your husband for not making you happy and nag him until you're blue in the face but it's not even him. You will tell him that he needs to work more hours, get your hair done, help more around the house or whatever else. But, it's not him.

Its you.

True joy comes from Jesus Christ and no human can ever, EVER, fill that void. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and our son, Logan-- but I understand that I have an assignment on this earth and that is to be a helper to my husband and to lead Logan to Jesus. Prior to this season, God really began to prepare my heart and show me who I was in Him. He showed me that humans are great people but terrible gods and he reminded me that marriage is a ministry of serving each other. If you get into a relationship with the mindset that someone is going to solve all of your problems, you may find that you're disappointed with unmet expectations. 

You're NOT content sis! Be honest with yourself! Go to the Lord and tell Him that you're discontent, mad, bitter or whatever else! He can WORK with an honest woman! 

4. You  meet a guy at church and you hear "he's going to be your husband" and you get so excited and gitty! But, you fail to look down at his ring finger and he's really married. 

Response: So, wait. That's not going to be your husband or is he going to leave his wife for you? Why would you ever, ever want to even start a relationship off with the foundation of adultery? And if he is dumb enough to leave his wife for you, he will most likely leave you for another after a few years of marriage.  And if you are married and you're reading this-- whatever you're searching for outside of your marriage can only be find WITHIN your marriage. You want excitement again? Get your butt up and be romantic, be exciting, pray for the spark to come back into your marriage and stop thinking that some other human can satisfy you. 


5. I'm going to another church where I can get noticed and so my husband can find me. 

Response: Sis, there's 6 billion people on this earth, if God wants you to meet someone, you will meet them and connect with them based on HIS timing, not your timing. My husband and I went to the same church and walked by each other for 3 years. We even were in the same meetings together sitting just a few feet away from one another. BUT, we didn't connect until 3 years later because we both weren't READY. As a single, I learned that if I cannot trust God for my spouse, then how can I trust Him for anything else? I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to be married and have kids one day. I let GO of trying to control it and I told God that I believe that HE put the desire in my heart for a family. So, since HE put that desire in my heart, HE is going to bring it to pass-- not ME. 

So, cheers to burning the "you're going to be my husband" card. As women, we will no longer chase down a man, instead, we will chase down Christ. The end.

And one day, you will THANK GOD that "he's not going to be your husband" because God can see what you cannot SEE. God protects you more than you'll ever know and when he DOES introduce you to HIS best for your life, you will be thankful that it didn't work out with anybody else. So, let's get back to the heart of worship. Lets get back on our face with our attention turned to Jesus and not man. 


And P.S.-- sorry that I took so long in posting again. It's been an amazing month! I connected with my birth family and met my birth mother in Vegas this past week! AND I just finished my 3rd book that will be released in July! Eek! God is faithful!


Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. Use code JESUS for 10% off!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 24,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. I will be in Detroit speaking on June 14th and I would LOVE to meet you!! http://estore.greatergrace.org/SearchResults.asp?Cat=18

8. We are hosting an event in LA on October 4th, I want to see you there! http://www.eventbee.com/v/pinkypromise/event?eid=169814152

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

"Modesty Rebirth: What Should I Wear Today?"

Can I be honest? I used to love my short shorts and mini-skirts. I have naturally muscular legs so I figured, I got it, why can't I show it? I mean, it isnt' hurting anyone.

Until.. I met my husband. 

I recall flying into Atlanta and wearing this long maxi dress. The dress length wasn't the issue, the issue was the v-cut top portion that showed a little bit of cleavage. I don't have a huge chest, so I rationalized that I don't really have cleavage as an average B cup woman. He said to me, "Heather, do you have a jacket or a tank-top that you can put on? It's important to me that my girlfriend is classy and keeping things covered." So, reluctantly, I put a tank-top on and thought to myself, "gosh, this tank top totally ruined my outfit" but then.. 

God checked my own heart. 

He said to me, "Do you want attention from Me or do you want attention from men & to be a stumbling block for men?" 

Wait, I don't want to be a stumbling block for anyone Lord! I don't want MY way of dressing to encourage sin in a man's heart! Not only that, I KNEW Cornelius was going to be my one-day husband  and I knew that I needed to listen to him. I was beginning to practice submission as the Lord led me so, this was a challenge. 

As I started dressing more classy, my heart used to break at old photos of myself. Then, I would see women out & about and I would want to run up to them & say, GIRL! You are beautiful! You don't have to sell yourself short  show your goodies! This wasn't me saying, "oh, I'm so much better than anyone" But it's saying, "honey, I've been there. YOU are so precious to Jesus. You're such a jewel. WHY are your ta's ta's out? That isn't your body to show off, you're simply a manager of your body. It belongs to the Lord.  What you show is what men think you will share! Godly men want a godly woman! I remember that I used to dress that way to get attention from men. I did it because I was insecure and I didn't feel good about myself. I did it because I had no conviction. I did it because even if God tried to convict me or if an older woman corrected me, my rebellious heart rejected any leading. And in the world of social media & pictures, what are you showing? If a godly man wanted to go online & check you out, would he pass you by because you're half naked in all of your photos? 

So now, I like to run my clothes by my husband prior to leaving the house. I only want to look good for him and please him and most times, if my dress is too short, I'm convicted before I even open my mouth to ask him.  We actually BOTH show one another our outfits & help each other get dressed daily. It's not like he has this stick & he's yelling at me to dress a certain way. We WANT to please each other & we find pleasure in it. The great thing about my hubby is that when we are on vacation once or twice a year, he's much more relaxed about me wearing dresses a couple inches above my knee vs. at my knee. But that is MY husband & its what he likes. If you're rolling your eyes at me, I want to encourage you to check out my blog on submission. I believe in the headship that God set in place and I LOVE the protection. 

To bring balance to this, I once heard of a woman that said that "women cannot wear pants or wear short-sleeved shirts." Let's be clear: Modesty isn't you dressing like a nun. The obedience of a child of God is not measured by what clothing we wear but by our walk in the Spirit. (Galatians 5:16). Thus, if you are LED by the Spirit of GOD, you will naturally cover up that tail. If you're led by your flesh, insecurities and whatever else. you will be by your own desires. 

I know that some really conservative people may read this & say, "WOMEN AREN'T SUPPOSED TO WEAR PANTS! There is a passage in the Old Testament that speaks about a woman wearing men's clothing: "A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this" (Deuteronomy 22:5). Remember in studying the scriptures, we must look at the context of the scripture. The context of this scripture is the second giving of the law to the nation of Israel as they were preparing to enter the Promised Land. Deuteronomy 22:5 is an admonition not to live as a transvestite. This has to do with more than just clothing; it also speaks of a life that mimics in every way those of the opposite sex. Transvestitism was a practice of the Canaanites, and Israel was to consider it an abomination. We take a principle from this and apply it to our lives as believers, but we must use it in the context in which it is given. SO many Christians are skipping around here, applying scriptures out of context and BASHING everyone else that doesn't agree with their convictions. Honey, if that is your conviction, rock with it. My conviction is not eating meat. I share the benefits of a healthy digestive system but I'm not about to stuff it down your throat & tell you that you're so wrong. If it's CLEAR in scripture, like submit to your husband, no sex outside of marriage, forgive, etc-- I get it. But, some areas-- it's vital that you're led by the Spirit of God. THIS is where a relationship with Him comes into play. 

One of my favorite disciples, Paul wrote on the difference between the law and grace in Romans. We are not justified by our adherence to the law, but we are justified by faith in Christ (Romans 3:21-28). The believer in Christ Jesus is "dead" to the constraints of the law. "But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code" (Romans 7:6). Therefore, a believer does not live by legalism, nor by license, but rather by grace.

What has that to do with a believing woman wearing pants? There is no biblical law that says what a woman should wear or not wear. Rather, the issue is one of modesty.

"I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God" (1 Timothy 2:9-10). 

I did a bit of research about the greek breakdown of that scripture:

The Greek word translated "modest" is the Greek word kosmios, which is translated twice in the New Testament, once as "modest" in this passage and once as "of good behavior" in 1 Timothy 3:1. It came to mean "well-arranged, seemly, and modest."The word clothes is the Greek word katastole. The meaning of the word was "to send or to let down or lower." 

It was primarily a garment that was let down and in that day referred to a stole or a loose outer garment worn by kings and persons of rank. Since we know that Paul was not speaking to people of rank, the context here is simply modest attire, and it does not specify what that means. 

Paul talked about this issue here because the women in the church were trying to outdo each other in how they dressed, and the flashier the better. They were losing sight of the things that should focus on as a godly woman—humility, sobriety, godliness, and good works. The words "dress modestly" are not used here in the context of specific garments, but rather to being modest in what they wear. It should not be used to prove as some law against wearing pants (also see 1 Peter 3:3-4).

So, the FOCUS is that a woman should wear modest clothing. Whether or not that includes a pair of slacks should be a matter for the woman's own conscience before the LORD. If a woman allows her outward appearance to be the measure of her inward relationship with Christ, she is living under the constraints of the law. Born-again women are free in Christ to wear whatever modest apparel they choose, and the only judgment they should be under is that of their own conscience. "Everything that does not come from faith is sin" (Romans 14:23). We are not to allow our consciences to be dictated to by legalism and the consciences of others, but by our own relationship with Christ. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2:20). God will take care of the outward woman if we walk in obedience in the inward woman. So, what good is it for you to wear your long skirts but you are mean? What good is it to wear your long sleeved shirts if you are unforgiving? God is searching your heart sis. 

So, now that we cleared that up, let's talk about some practice tips of dressing modest & being fabulous. 

1. Figure out what clothes WORK for YOUR body. My "problem" area has ALWAYS been my lower abs! It's NOT as ripped as I would like for it to be! No matter how much I work out, I always end up with a 4 pack & not a six pack. Nonetheless, I don't like to wear dresses and shirts that are super tight in that area. So, I have found that peplum tops and dresses that are fitted & then "poof" out work best for me! Could I wear tighter shirts? Yes! But even so, I am most comfortable in the above!

**In the picture to the right, you would be surprised to find out that my green top & my best friend, Delan's pant suit is from Forever 21! My jeans are Seven Jeans & my shoes are Giuseppe Zanotti.

2. Where do I shop? EVERYWHERE! I don't discriminate from Thrift stores, to Target, to Saks, To Bloomingdales to wherever. If I can be totally honest, I like to buy things of good quality. I would rather buy a purse that will last me 30 years versus buying a purse every year because it falls apart. If you do the math, you actually save money buying the quality items. Not only that, if you ever needed to sell that item, you would STILL be able to get your money back years and years later. I once bought a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes at a thrift store for $100. I was able to sell them on Ebay for $300 because I knew of someone who had a need. I wore those shoes for a couple years as well! That is one of the joys of buying quality items.

3. Some of my favorite places to shop outside of the normal stores:

• Asos (www.asos.com) They have amazing midi-dresses and skirts!
• ModCloth (www.modcloth.com) think vintage, fabulous!
• Ebay (www.ebay.com) I'm HUGE on finding brands for cheap online! Why pay full price when you can find the same quality at a bargain?
• Amazon (www.amazon.com) I LOVE being a Prime member. You pay a annual fee to get 2-day shipping. This comes in handy when I need items for Logan or for myself last minute. 
• Outlet Shopping: I LOVE outlet shopping! You can find last years goodies for super cheap!
• Goodwill! (www.shopgoodwill.com) Did you know that you can bid on goodies from ebay for super cheap? Another awesome way to find bargains.
• MY boutique! (www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com) I do have some clothes on there + some amazing accessories! 
• Choies (www.choies.com) has fabulous skirts like my skirts above! They are midi length! Note that some items are 1 size fits all so be sure to check the sizes prior to ordering! 

4. Practice makes perfect. When I was single, I would have a rough day, or want to go shopping but knew I was on a budget so I would try on clothes & come up with outfits when I had down time. Playing dress up for me was therapeutic because I was able to actually SEE the stuff in my closet. At times, we just shop and then throw more items into our closet. If you take the time to organize it and actually see what is in your closet, I doubt you would buy as much more. 

5. Ask a friend to help you! If you have a friend that LOVES style, clothes and putting outfits together, ask her to help you out! 

6. BONUS: I LOVE boutiques! They have one-of-a-piece items that are affordable!

I pray that this gave you clarity on being modest! I posted some photos of modest outfits that I've worn recently! If you have a desire to dress more modestly, I believe that the Lord will help you & give you wisdom.

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com.

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 21,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey 

"What About Me?"

Ever wondered, "What About Me" God? It seems like you are working your butt off at school, work, doing the right thing in relationships, but you still end up getting the short end of the stick? Maybe you do all of the work and your co-worker gets promoted. Maybe, you are living for Jesus but you don't feel like your prayers are getting answered. Maybe, you're getting sick & tired of living for Jesus because you don't see any results.

Can I illustrate something for you? I want you to go & get a cup and fill it with dirt. Then, go and plant a basil seed in the cup, water it and place it next to the window. Then, walk by the cup every single day and see if you see basil. Weeks may go by & you still may not see anything. Do you get mad at the plant and stop watering it? Do you take the cup and throw it away because you feel like the seed isn't producing? 

Well, that is what most of you are doing with your life. You kick and scream at the cup, throw it down, smash it and you stop watering the seed that is in your heart.  You stop reading the bible, you start watching more garbage TV, you start hangin' out with that man because you're bored, you start hanging with rebellious, messy women and you open back up that pornography. I mean, a little won't hurt, right? You never give the GOOD seeds that are planted in your heart TIME to grow. 

I'm reminded of: 

Psalm 1

Oh, the joys of those who do not

    follow the advice of the wicked,

    or stand around with sinners,

    or join in with mockers.

But they delight in the law of the Lord,

    meditating on it day and night.

They are like trees planted along the riverbank,

    bearing fruit each season.

Their leaves never wither,

    and they prosper in all they do.

So, are you like that tree that is planted by the rivers of water, or do you uproot your seed every few minutes? Some of us refuse to be patient while jumping from one thing to the next! And we must ask ourselves another question. 

Why do I do what I do?

• Is my motive for being celibate to "get me a husband" or is it because I want to truly honor God with my entire life, be holy as He is holy & truly live for Him?
• Is my motive for working hard getting promoted so I can fill my void of being an overachiever or do I work as though I am working onto the Lord? Longing for Him to use you at your job as THAT is the current ministry He has given you! 
• Is my motive for being submitted to my husband getting him to do what I really want him to do? So, I will cook-- as long as you perform my love language. I will tell you that you look nice because I want you to touch me. I will perform your love language ONLY because I want you to do mine, NOT because my LOVE for you is unconditional. Matter of fact, I am bitter and mad when you don't do what I want you to do for me.
• Is my motive for living for Jesus because I want His hand & not His heart? I want what I think God can do for me. So, I will obey bits & pieces of what God tells me to do & choose Him like I'm selecting items off of a menu. You see, I don't really want to die to myself for real, I just want the "good life." 

Ask yourself, do you really love Jesus and want to live for Him or is this life about you & your selfish ways? And maybe, just maybe, God closes certain doors because you continue to bust through doors that you aren't supposed to go through and He would rather you be UNCOMFORTABLE for a season that uncomfortable for a LIFETIME.  

It's time for us to take our eyes off of ourselves and put them onto Christ.. but for real. And then make a DAILY decision that we are going to stay in this place of true, authentic, unconditional love. 

1 Corinthians 13 tells us: that love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

So, are you losing faith in God's timing? Are you patient with others as you want God to be patient with you? Constantly complaining about everything you think God is not doing in your life? Are you kicking your plant around because it hasn't sprouted? Have you given it time to even grow..

Start with getting back to your first love. Go SPEND TIME WITH HIM.  I wonder how many times the ANSWER to our prayers and the QUESTIONS we have for the day was actually found in the bible passage & the words from the Holy Spirit that we didn't read that morning. 

Lets focus on what God IS doing in your life. 

1. He saved you. 
So, keep your eyes on heaven and NOT on earth.

The end. 

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com.

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 21,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via www.thegonow.com under events!

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

I taught a message on "What About Me" last week in South Carolina. Check out a short clip here. 

My Birth Story: Logan William Lindsey 3/13/2013

So, last week marked 1 year since I gave birth to my beautiful son, Logan William Lindsey. I felt like it was fitting to do a blog on "My Birth Story" since I have yet to share it with you all. I attempted to post this on Logan's birthday but we had a huge 1st birthday party and I had a ton of family & friends in town! :)

**JUST A DISCLAIMER**

Every BODY is different. If you are pregnant, believe GOD for the best possible situation & don't let other peoples horror stories scare you in regards to labor. Labor is natural part of the body and God will be with you & help you. Trust Him, not the words of everybody else. 

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Before I get into the story, I want to share some "behind the scenes" of our desire to have children. If you watched the Pinky Promise Conference last year, you know that we shared our story about having a miscarriage prior to getting pregnant with Logan.

On March 5th, 2011 we found out that we were pregnant. Was I happy? Not really. That sounds really bad, but we had only been married for 6 months, we just moved to a new city, and I was still trying to figure out this whole marriage and purpose thing! We didn't have The Gathering Oasis and Pinky Promise-- it was just me and the hubby. So, I cried. I cried because I felt like if I get pregnant, my life and body would be OVER. Coming from living in NYC for 7 years, I had learned to think that "career" was first. You focus on your career and THEN, down the line, include kids. So, needless to say, my husband was THRILLED and I wasn't too happy about it.

Around the time we found out!

I made an appointment with the doctor and they did an ultrasound. We didn't see a baby in there and I was measuring pretty early-- so I figured, by the next appointment, I will see a baby and a heartbeat. So, we continued to go to the doctor and we only saw a sac, no baby.

I was devastated!

We were only about 6-7 weeks in and by then, we had discussed our future baby and I was settled in the idea that I was going to have a baby! I was EXCITED! Then, I started to bleed. It first it was light and then it was really  heavy with blood clots! I'm thinking, what the heck is this? I kept going to the doctor and getting my bloodwork done and they told me that my numbers weren't doubling and that although my body thinks it's pregnant, there's no baby and soon, my body would reject the sac. I sat down with the doctor and he told us the news we hoped to never hear: "I'm so sorry, you won't be having a baby right now. Your body will reject the sac soon. So, you can either let it pass naturally or get a D and C. If you get the D and C, it will be over sooner than going through the pain of letting it pass naturally.

That night, we went home with tears in our eyes. Cornelius left to go teach a mens bible study on "Trusting God" and I assured him that I would be fine at the house alone. Then, I started to cramp really bad, more clots, more blood! I'm like, what.. is going on? Then, the cramps started coming faster-- back to back. My body was reject the sac, less than 12 hours before my surgery! It felt like mini-LABOR pains. I remember rolling on the floor and calling out to God-- telling Him that I trust Him no matter what happens. I called the hubby and told him that I cannot wait for him to get home, I was calling 911. So, I went to the ER-- and ended up passing the sac there.  Was it over? I wish. I ended up getting the surgery in the morning but found out 6 months later that they didn't get all of the pregnancy tissue out of me. So, for another 6 months, my pregnancy tests showed positive along with the pregnancy symptoms. I continued to bleed for almost 6 months.

It was hard.

By then, I really wanted a baby.  You see, I was so humbled by the whole situation and I wanted to get pregnant.

By October, my body was back to normal, but I had gone through so much. I asked God, "WHY is it that all these people are getting pregnant that don't even WANT kids!!" I went through such a broken "valley" season because it seemed like I was getting tested over & over again. I learned that I cannot want anything more than I want Jesus Christ and if I do, I will most likely make an idol out of that person, thing or event. 

So, as I was learning this-- I started to track my ovulation like crazy and I researched "ways to get pregnant quickly"-- I tried to get my husband to change his diet & I SCREAMED at him when his laptop was on his lap (I read that it cooked a mans area-- was it true? Who knows, I was clearly placing my trust in the wrong place) and I became very controlling. I didn't like the person that I was becoming and I found that I would get in spats with my husband. One day, he looked at me and said, "Heather, calm down. We have to trust God & stop trying to control this situation."

It's like I hit a brick wall that day. I pondered, "ME, God? Controlling?? I mean, I just want to do the natural part God! I just want .. to do MY part." At that moment, God reminded me that it is HIM alone that opens and closes my womb. I started to do my research & I found that other women in the bible ALSO had experienced a similar situation. The thing is this:: when you're going through a test, we have to stop relying on GOOGLE for our answers and OPEN up our SOURCE. So, I started studying out the bible & here are a few summaries:


Genesis 11:30; 21:1-7 – Sarah is barren. She is old. And according to the promise of God and by His power she gave birth to Isaac. She was beyond child bearing age, in her 90s, and she had a baby according to God’s plan and for His purposes.

Genesis 25:21– Rebekah was barren and yet as she and Isaac pleaded with God and trusted Him, in His time and according to His plan she gave birth to Jacob and Esau.

Genesis 29:31; 30:1-2; 22-24– Rachel was barren and her barrenness was a source of strife in the family. And after seeing other children born to her husband from other wives God finally opened her womb, twice. Consider the fruit of her womb, so to speak. Joseph was used of God to preserve the nation of Israel and the world around the middle east as he was elevated in the Court of Pharaoh and implemented a plan to deal with seven years of famine. And her second born, Benjamin is no less significant. One of his descendants wrote most of the New Testament! His name was Saul, and was later changed to Paul.

Judges 13:2-3; 24 – Manoah’s wife was barren but later, as God ordained it, she gave birth to Samson, a mighty man and a judge over Israel.

1 Samuel 1:1-11 – Hannah was barren and so grieved that as she prayed a priest thought she was drunk! And yet according to God’s plan in answer to her prayer, her womb was opened and she gave birth to Samuel, the prophet who anointed Kings in Israel.

Luke 1:5-7; 13-17; 24-25; 57-58 – And then there was Elizabeth. Also barren. No children and aging. And after Gabriel brought the news to her husband, she conceived and gave birth to John the Baptizer, the one who fulfilled prophecy and came to announce the coming of the Messiah.


So, by now, we are in April of 2012, just about one year after the miscarriage. I went to the Lord, like Hannah & poured my heart out to God. I told Him that I wanted a son, and that I would dedicate my son back to the Lord and I would teach my son to live for HIM. I deleted all of my apps that tracked my ovulation and I took my mind totally OFF of getting pregnant.

Dedicating Logan to the Lord this past Saturday at his Southern Royal Bash!

One month later, we found out that we were pregnant with Logan! Ahh! WHAT a joy! We were SO happy, so shocked, so thrilled! We were surprised because we totally weren't trying anymore. How did I find out out?

Well, first, I was EXHAUSTED. I had really bad heartburn, was bloated and it seemed like my brain cells were gone! lol, seriously! I put the fresh spinach in the pot drawer. I kept doing really weird things! Then, I rationalized that I wasn't pregnant because I've just been busy and maybe I'm just eating too many spicy foods.

                                               In New Orleans! The day after we found out!

I was visiting my sister-in-love and she kept telling me to take a test! So, I took a test and it was negative. I thought to myself, see! I knew I wasn't pregnant! I didn't get mad or upset at the test-- instead I just told God that I trust Him and He opens wombs. Then, I started to get a TON of emails and messages from people saying that they had a dream that I was pregnant. I laughed and thought-- I'm so not pregnant! One week later, I took another test-- and RIGHT as I was taking it, I heard the Lord say, "The test is going to be positive, don't worry." He said NOT to worry because that very MONTH, me & the hubby decided that I would stop consulting for a company I worked with for about 4 years in New York ( I worked from home). My husband was already in full time ministry and it was going to be a TOTAL faith walk! AND we were in the middle of moving! So, I'm thinking-- Lord, we are moving and I'm pregnant which means I cannot do as much!

So, the test was positive and I took it to my husband who was on the phone with his mother. He smiled in TOTAL shock! I don't think it totally registered to him. A few weeks later, we had our first ultrasound. ALL I wanted was to SEE a baby and HEAR a heartbeat. I remember that sound like it was yesterday! Tears came to my eyes as I thought, gosh, we are having a baby!

Throughout the pregnancy I had to continue to cast down stupid thoughts that anything bad would happen to my womb. When you go through a miscarriage, those stupid thoughts try to haunt you but I had the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear that "God is babysitting Logan in my womb. HE keeps him alive. HE is with Him." And that babysitting & protecting Logan doesn't stop after he is born. It will go on into eternity.

So, I ate super healthy, drank green smoothies daily, took my probiotic, a pre-natal, I exercised and I REFUSED to stress out. Remember when you're pregnant that your baby feels everything that you feel. I would read to Logan while he was in my belly and I would pray with him. He became my little best friend.

So, onto my birth story. 

Can I be real with you? I wanted a natural birth. I watched "The Business of Being Born"(TOTALLY RECOMMEND!) on Netflix and thought, I can do this! It's totally mind over matter and I CAN go natural!

So, I wrote out a ton of scriptures on trusting God and that babies are a gift from the Lord. I wanted to make sure I was prepared on that day when I went into labor. As I went throughout the pregnancy, I noticed that Logan (BBL= baby boy lindsey) was a BIG boy. He was measuring about 6 or 7 pounds at 7.5 months which made me a little nervous! I'm like, how BIG is  he going to be Lord? And I'm not a large woman. I'm about 5'8 and pre-baby was 120 pounds. At about 7.5 months I had gained almost 25 pounds and my doctor actually TOLD me to go on a diet! Needless to say, she stopped being my doctor after that and a few other things. She kept trying to put fear in my heart about Logan being such a big baby. I'm like, you're either on my team or not woman! I get that you are a doctor but you're not helping me by telling me to not eat as much because my son is growing so fast. I told her, "diet? I eat vegetables and fruits all day! She said, "Fruits have sugars." lol-- nonetheless, I continued to eat very healthy, worked out and simply trusted God.

ONE week before the Pinky Promise Conference (Jan 24, 2013), I was on BEDREST for really bad round ligament pain. I couldn't walk because my hips and body was spreading to accommodate Logan! My husband had to carry me around so I was really just trusting God that I would be able to preach twice and walk at the conference. Thank God I was totally fine a week later! :)

By 40 weeks of pregnancy, my new doctor (same office, new doctor) continued to see if I dilated. Nothing. .5 cm MAYBE. At this point, the doctor gave me a couple options. He said that I can wait things out OR I can get induced on March 12th. Personally, I wanted to go into labor NATURALLY because I felt like if I get induced with drugs then I'm going to eventually need drugs to sustain me. So, I walked, I ate a ton of eggplant, and rolled on my Yoga ball for hours-- hoping this baby would come out! And.. nothing happened. I learned quickly that babies come when they want to come, not when we try to force them out. Throughout this time, I kept getting Braxton Hicks contracts pretty bad-- but still no baby.

So, I went into prayer and discussed things with Cornelius and God placed it on my heart to go into the hospital on March 12th to get induced. Although it wasn't what I wanted to do, I had a peace and almost an urgency to move the process along. I went into the hospital that night at 6pm. I was prepared with my scriptures, my yoga ball, a snack can for the nurses (hey, they're helping me out!), and a ton of snacks for the hubby!

I forgot what they did (although I researched it like crazy at that time)-- but it was supposed to help me dilate & get the labor process started. I slept with it that night and I woke up & they started to officially induce me. My hope was that I would go into labor naturally-- but still nothing. My doctor came in and broke my water. And he found that Logan already had his first bowl movement in my belly-- which means that when I did give birth, we have to be very careful that he doesn't take a deep breath & inhale stool. It was another sign that Logan had to come out soon.

So, for the next 12-15  hours, I had contractions back to back and I was still being induced SLOWLY, (I told them to slowly increase inducing me because I wanted a fighting chance at going natural) and soon-- my contractions came every couple minutes and they lasted a good 10 LONG seconds! I would roll on my yoga ball as my hubby rubbed my back and I said scriptures. I was so determined to get through it! By 8pm, I was EXHAUSTED and I kept having contractions & guess what.. I only dilated 3 cm! WHAT? I was shocked! WHERE is this baby? What about my plans God? I had plans for a quick & easy labor! Help me God! So, my contractions are still coming non-stop with the help of the machine & my body wouldn't go into labor by itself-- which of course-- would mean that I wasn't ready to go into labor, right? Well, I just had an urgency to get my son out and I knew that I couldn't have waited another couple weeks.

So, then-- at about 8:30pm, all the sudden I see the monitor make this weird noise and then ALL of the nurses and doctors RUSH in, put on oxygen mask on me & they're trying to find Logan's heartbeat. I'm like, wait, HUH? What is going on??! What is wrong? So, Logan's heart rate was starting to drop with each contraction. The stress from being in labor for awhile was beginning to get to him. So, they're trying to find his heart beat and my husband is holding my arm & praying with me.

My doctor said, Heather, you have 2 choices. You can keep doing this for a few more DAYS and there's a chance that Logan's health will be in great danger OR you can have a C-section and you will meet him in 30 minutes.

I'm thinking-- Lord, this was not a part of the plan. It was supposed to be easier than this. It was supposed to be.. natural in every way. 

Then, I reminded myself that although things may not always pan out the way that we want them to pan out, God will still be with me along the journey. He will still help me. He's there. I decided in that moment to stop trying to wonder or question and let go. 

I told the doctor "That I'm not trying to win a medal for going natural, I want my son to be healthy and HIS health is a PRIORITY to me. That is all that matters to me." So, I went and had a C-section. Logan William Lindsey was born on 9:17pm on March 13th, 2013

We found out a few things. 

1. His umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck a few times and everytime he tried to descend, the cord continued to get wrapped up in his neck. There was no way he could have came out naturally.
2. He was 10 pounds and 1 oz!! He was SUCH a big boy! The doctor actually said that he was a "linebacker" as he began to pull him out! lol!

After the C-section, they had to run tests on him and I was nervous because my goal was to do skin-to-skin RIGHT after he was born and to breastfeed. So, when they finally brought him to me, I latched him on and he started eating right away! He was so greedy! haha! AND 1 year later and I'm still breastfeeding! :) The bond we have together is like nothing I've ever experienced! I adore that little guy!

So, how was the recovery? It wasn't bad at all! I couldn't go up or down our stairs for 2 weeks, but after that I was better. I had a great doctor so the cut is pretty much non-existant! I think a perk of eating healthy, working out and breastfeeding was that I lost almost ALL of my baby weight within 2-3 weeks!

So, as I look over everything and I ask myself what would I have done differently? Nothing at all. I believed God throughout the entire time and I trusted HIM regardless of the outcome. Living for Jesus doesn't always mean that everything will be easy, perfect or that things will work out according to what you prayed-- but it does mean that HE will be with you along your journey. When sin entered this earth, women had to endure childbirth and things happen like miscarriages and hard labors. It happens. While pregnant, you may have bad days. You may have this or that, but if Jesus is truly the center of your heart-- there's nothing you cannot accomplish through Him. He's right there babysitting YOU.. & your baby.
                         
                         A few photos from Logan's Southern Royal Bash! We had so much fun!

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com.

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 21,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via www.thegonow.com under events!


God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey