Why I Said "NO" To His Engagement Proposal"

I am married and I've never said no to my husband's wedding proposal. Actually, I fell to my knees, cried and we actually waited to kiss until our wedding day when my now husband proposed to me. I was so excited!.

But, prior to him, I did say no-- a couple times to men I once dated. 

I said no to men prior to him for a few important reasons that I really want you, single woman to consider. Understand that marriage is supposed to be forever and you don't want to marry someone out of fear or because you're afraid of being alone. When I was in these unhealthy relationships, I was searching for value or worth. I was searching for affirmation. I was searching for wholeness. I was searching for fulfillment. I was searching for happiness. I was searching for love. 

But..

I kept coming up empty. 

So, I got into a relationship with someone and we were together for awhile. But, I wasn't totally sold on him. I continued to stay in the relationship because I felt like he hit on my basic needs in a relationship. He was affectionate, nice, kind and giving. He said he loved Jesus and he served at church. Not only that, he assured me that the Lord called him into ministry one day. Perfect fit right? I kinda, sorta thought so. One thing was missing. 

My peace. 

"Lord, help me understand!? I mean, I don't see any other guys around and I think I want to marry him? I mean, I'm not totally sold on him, nor do I respect him as a man, but it works... God, I just.want.to.be.married.

So, we begin to move forward and discuss marriage. My heart constantly said no. My mind says no and my gut says no. But, I'm in my twenties.. my friends are getting married & I sure don't feel like starting over. 

So, he asks me and I tell him no. Then I tell him to stop asking me! I was AFRAID of marriage! What was I doing? I was buying time and stringing him along which was SO wrong. 

I said no to marriage to him because:

1. I didn't respect him as a man. I didn't believe in him and it didn't matter how much money he had or where he was working, I knew all of those things were temporary. I needed a man with vision, I needed someone I could believe in if he LOST all temporary things on this earth. When my now husband and I got married, he had a very high position at his old job. 3 months into our marriage-- God told him to leave his job and move to Mississippi and study the bible. HUH? You mean, God told you not to work and to just study & spend time with Him? To the natural eye, it may sound crazy but I believed in my husband and I still do. He would spend 10-12 hours a day with studying His bible. One year later, we started Pinky Promise. One year and a half later, we moved back to Atlanta and we started The Gathering Oasis- Church. God was preparing us. So, let me ask you this sis: If he wants to pack up and move to Alaska, will you be shopping for snow boots or will you nag him until he doubts what God told him?

2. I didn't have peace. The man pushed me away from Jesus and I clearly made our relationship my god. There was no standards. There were no boundaries. We had sex outside of marriage. It was emotionally led. It was controlling. My thing is this, if you led our relationship to SEX (fornication)-- a fruit of the FLESH, then what will our marriage look like? If I'm going to submit to you-- I need to know that YOU know where we are going and that you can properly lead me.  

3. I wasn't getting better as a woman. In Ephesians 5:25 it says "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her  to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." Ok, I had to ask myself this question:  Was this man presenting me as a radiant church without spot or wrinkle? Um. No. Granted, I had a part to play too- I could have said "no" to the sex outside of marriage. But it was hard. I told him I didn't want to kiss until our wedding day and I quickly learned that he tried to kiss me everywhere else BUT on my face. Really? It takes TWO people to be on the SAME page. Amos 3:3 says that how can TWO people walk together unless they agree?? It's not enough for one person to want purity & the other person to want sex. Guess what, he's going to make you stumble sis. Let him go because it's much easier to pull you off the chair than it is to pull you up onto it. 

4. He wasn't a leader. Well, maybe he was a leader? But he sure wasn't leading me and I knew that he wouldn't lead my one day son that he wanted to have & I refused to birth a generation of wimpy men. Remember that you marry his mindset & his ways and he pours that into your kid, if he's around. 

5. I didn't trust him. Because he couldn't keep his hands off of me, we kept breaking up. Then I would find that he would run back to other women. Clearly, he had the same problem that I once had-- allowing humans to fill my voids. So, what would happen when our "marriage" hit a rough spot?? Would you run off to your co-worker?

6. I wasn't attracted to him. You have to wake up and love who you're looking at. I took all of the above + the fact that I wasn't attracted to him. I understand that physical ain't everything. It's FAR from it, but I wanted to be attracted to my one-day husband. 

7. I didn't like his friends. Lets just be honest, you are a reflection of your friends. His friends were playboys and loved to hang out and party. So, you can imagine how his bachelor party would look like.. strippers & all. I wanted a man that had accountability in his relationships and those men pushed him closer to the Lord. Even his "friends" at church were so carnal, I wasn't a believer. 

8. He was so secretive. If you cannot communicate and get on the same page as me while we are in a relationship, then our marriage will be in shambles. Communication wasn't a HUGE deal breaker, but after the top 7 things, I knew he wasn't it. This pairs with the leadership thing. I just don't know where we are going or if we are going to live in 10 different places in a 3-month span because I watch your life & it's so unstable. 

9. He was somebody else's husband. As I shared in "Where is my Adam" I believe that God allowed that door to be closed because it wasn't Gods will that we were to be together. Even if your relationship seems so perfect, if it's not God's will- you won't be doing what HE wants you to do. Especially if your man isn't saved. If you try to change him once you get the ring-- that man will resent the God that you serve and hate both of you. 

10. God told me no. I talked about "How to Hear God's voice" and I KNEW God was telling me NO. He was showing me WARNING signs & I never had a "good" feeling about walking down the aisle with this guy. Sis, I encourage you to tell that man NO! Even if you've already said yes. Even if the invites have been sent out. Even if you've already booked the venue. Yes, it may be hard to do it, but you'll either have a broken engagement or a broken marriage where you now include children.

A ring and a marriage ain't everything. Living for Jesus and giving our whole hearts to Him is everything. So, if you're in a relationship that you're not supposed to be in-- I encourage you to break it off and ask the Lord to give you boldness and help to keep your decision, even when you're lonely. Learn to trust God sis, I know it's hard but He is jealous for the time & the attention you give these guys! 

The worst feeling for a woman is to walk down the aisle to a man that God never told her to be with. She will remember that feeling forever. Walk down that aisle with peace instead. 

If if you did marry a man that you have no peace with, you will experience attacks that someone else may not have to go through. There is a cost to pay for disobeying God, BUT God can still use your marriage. Win your guy over with your quiet & gentle spirit & pray earnestly that God would save him.

God loves you like crazy. 

Heather Lindsey 

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com.

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 20,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via www.thegonow.com under events!

Our wedding day! :) Eating prior to meeting the guests!

"Valentines Day Blues?"

If you're single this year for Valentines day, you may dread the 14th. You're not looking forward to all of the pictures on Facebook, Instagram and twitter that will be posted about all of these couples that are professing their undying love for one another. Although God may have told half of them not to be together-- thus another reason why you should stay in your lane. But anyway, if you find yourself wishing that you were in a relationship or had a Valentine, well-- then this blog is for you.

I just want to remind you of a few things.

1. Anybody can get a ring and get into a relationship. It's when you actually have a standard you will find that your standard "runs" off men. You may look at yourself and say-- I don't want too much! I just want a saved man that loves Jesus, is fine and isn't wimp! Is that too hard to ask?! And to answer you: NO! It's not too hard to ask! But there's seasons under the sun for everything, including a relationship. (Ecclesiastes 3:1). What do I look like getting mad at summer because it isn't here yet? I know that by about June, I can expect summer. I have faith that summer will come and I won't dwell on the fact that it's not here. Instead, I put my boots and coat on and do what I need to do. I believe that if its a desire in your heart to be in a relationship that God will open that door at the RIGHT timing. Stop trying to help God open that door. Sit down, relax. Spend crazy time with God and enjoy this season.

Note that you MAY run off men that want flings and not a wife. But that's ok-- you want a man of standard with integrity. Not some man that wants to play with you and then return you back to the rental car lot-- abused and used.  So, help him put his running shoes on & let the door hit him where the good Lord split him. :)

You may say, well-- "what about the 60 year old woman who has never been married? How do I know I won't be her?" Well, I would need more information. Maybe God did send her a FEW great men, but she shut everybody down because she was looking for a worldly man in the church that made 6 figures. She never gave her type to Jesus so she kept writing off.. godly men because she was never really a godly woman. She just said it but her actions proved that she wanted a man-- her way. I'm just sayin'.

So, don't go out with a RANDOM for the sake of just having a date on Friday. A random is somebody that you KNOW you will never marry but you are bored & lonely. Honey, He cannot fill that void.

2. Be content during this season.  I often encourage women to enjoy each season because once they do get married, they will WISH they would have enjoyed the quiet space they had. If I can be totally real with you-- I didn't enjoy that season as a single because I kept cramming randoms into that space that had NO business being there. Although I finally cut everybody off about a year before I met my husband, I still wasted YEARS chasing after men that cheated on me & played me! What a waste of precious time sis! So, lets be content in this season. Lets enjoy Jesus. Lets have date nights with Him. Lets have tea time. Lets ask Him to renew our fire & zeal for Him! I blogged about "How to Spend Time With God" here. 

3. Go hang out with your girlfriends! Now, just don't hang out with any o'le friend that will complain all day about today being "V-day" and she wants a man, and this & that. No, no, no-- you don't have time for all that! You are working on something! You are focused on what God is telling you to do! So, go out to eat with your friends, have a sleepover, do something-- but don't dwell on what you think you're lacking! If God saw fit to bring your spouse, HE would have been there by now. So, relax.

4. Enjoy quiet time alone.  I used to hate quiet time alone on a Friday night because I would hear my thoughts and I didn't like what I heard. I wanted the clutter of relationships (even if they weren't good ones) because then I didn't have to face my lonely feelings. Hang out with your friends if you have peace about it but you may need to plan a candle light dinner for one in your dining room and just talk to the Lord! Cry out to Him!

5. Burn his phone number. We HAVE to cast down stupid thoughts! 2 Corinthians 2:5 says "We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ." So, if you are getting tempted to reach out to an ex, just to say "Happy Valentines day & remising about what ya'll used to do-- you're only opening yourself up for an attack from the enemy. Because you will soon go back to that place and you will remember the way you used to feel. Even if it was dysfunctional-- anything seems better than your current state. Honey, it's a LIE. It's an ILLUSION and satan is looking to destroy your mindset! So, cast down those bad thoughts, burn his phone number, stop stalking his facebook page with his new girlfriend and STAY focused.

Well, Happy Valentines Day.

Why don't we focus on our 1st love who is Jesus Christ today versus a pretend love that never really loved us in the first place. 

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out viawww.pinkypromiseboutiques.com

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 20,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via www.thegonow.com under events!

God Loves you Like Crazy,

Heather Lindsey

People Driving You Up The Wall?

We've all been there. Just frustrated or irratated about someone or a certain situation or feeling like you WISH your husband, man, friend, sister, brother, mama, daddy or whoever ELSE will change and stop BOTHERING YOU!!

I want to challenge you tonight in the midst of your frustration. Maybe.. it's you that needs to change? And trust me, I'm talking to myself as well. In every relationship-- we have a part to play. And while we go to God with our laundry list of ALL of the THINGS that everybody else needs to change, He begins to whisper into our heart, "You prayed for patience, so I'm giving you patience." You prayed to grow up in me, so I'm giving you changes to develop in endurance and maturity." "You prayed for peace, so you are getting opportunities to choose PEACE over stress." "You prayed for a great marriage-- so I'm showing you each other as a mirror so you can give those areas to me that don't.. quite look like Me."

You see, at times, we forget our prayers. We forget that we cry out to God and sing the songs, "I SURRENDER all GOD!!" on Sunday at church but on Monday, we cuss out our unsaved co-worker because she is trying to "throw you under the bus." Remember that the co-worker MAY not read the bible, but she or he IS reading your life and how you respond to them.

1 Peter 2: 18-23 says:

When treated unfairly by a superior, we should submissively endure by entrusting ourselves to God, the righteous Judge.

And if you continue to read it says "and LIKEWISE the same way in your MARRIAGE." I'm not referring to a situation where your life is on the line or if your man is doing things illegal-- I'm talking about the normal-- day to day (UGH!) things that he does to push your buttons. In vs. 19 it says that God is PLEASED when we endure unfair treatment and don't retaliate the SAME way that others treated us! So, how have you been responding? Or, how have you responded to him or her to start the whole spat?

If we really believe the bible like we say that we do.. we will let God be the judge over these small & large issues that can become distractions to the body of Christ. We have to trust that God will repay evil & reward unconditional love. I believe it. Do you? Lets believe it together! Let's STAND out to unbelievers as women that aren't like this world!

I'm not tryin' to say that your issue isn't real. I am not trying to say it won't be hard, but as some POINT we have to get off of the MILK of the word of God and start eating the MEAT of the word of God! It's time to mature. It's time to stop going around that same mountain.. over & OVER again. Let's RESPOND differently than we have in the past. We have the Holy Spirit on the inside of us and HE is helping us. You're not alone.

God loves you like crazy,


Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 20,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via www.thegonow.com under events!

Love you all dearly,
Heather Lindsey

Preaching in New York this past weekend! :)

Letting Go...

With tears in my eyes, I remember sitting in a church service next to a man that I really wanted to marry and hearing the Lord say: “Heather, he’s not it. I need you to let this go. If you don’t cut this relationship off—it will only get worse.”

But, WHY God?! I did what I thought I knew to do. Yes, we fell.. over & over again. Yes, we disobeyed you. Yes, we had sex outside of marriage. It’s true that I don’t feel my best in this relationship but Lord, I really want him to be the one. I don't want to start all over with anyone else new! I wanted to have all of his babies and work through lifes struggles. I have always had this “make it happen” attitude about life and I just knew that if I repented and did what I knew to do to make it right, maybe things could work. 

But I continued to hear this voice whisper to me in the midst of my rationalization. Let it go.

So, we went to this little restaurant after church and I had this plastered smile on my face as I greeted people leaving church. They have no clue. They think that our relationship is perfect on paper and from what they can see, but deep in my spirit man,  the Lord has made it so clear to me that he aint it, we’ve made each other idols & I am no longer serving the Jesus although I’m doing all of the church "things" like serving at church & attending.

As we headed towards the restaurant, I made light talk, but deep down, these scriptures were ringing in my heart.

John 14:15
"If you love me, obey my commandments.

Exodus 34:14
You must worship no other gods, for the LORD, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you.

Isaiah 2:22
Don't put your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath. What good are they?

If I really loved God, I would break things off because clearly, this relationship has turned from “excitement to pretend love to lust to dysfunction to idolatry.” How did this happen?

1. We refused to set boundaries & continued to play house.
2. Whenever God told me to not go over to his house or vice versa—I rationalized. I mean, he’s a good guy. He goes to church. He says he loves you Lord & I miss him…
3. Our purposes didn’t line up. But I was so desperate for a relationship that I was ignoring the obvious.
4. I had no peace. It was manufactured peace. I was trying to believe this lie that everything was ok but I knew deep down that it wasn’t right.
5. I wanted a man more than I wanted Gods presence. Thus, the relationship was dysfunctional.

So, we broke up that day at that restaurant. Was it hard? Umm. YES. I had to seriously guard my heart. I purposed to NOT to hang out in groups with him anymore. Not to entertain any texting, calling, or whatever else. You see, I had a pretty strong soul tie with him & if I didn’t let God rip that crap out of me, I would have gone back or became depressed. With my emotions totally raging, I told God that I needed help. That I needed Him. That I needed change. That I was sick and tired of being sick & tired. That I needed wholeness. That I needed peace. I would pull scriptures about my worry, discontentment & fear and I would STARE at them for HOURS. I would fast from social media and fight back those negative thoughts that were contrary to Gods word. You see, God will heal you. He will absolutely do His part. But how can God heal you if you don't let Him? How can God heal you when you keep surrounding yourself around that person? I understand if you have a child by him-- so deal with him concerning your child & nothing else-- but you know what I mean. You may just go over to his house.. one more time.. text, one more time.. this or that.. one more time. Babygirl, don't tell yourself that lie, you are only making it HARDER for yourself to really let go.

I blogged on “We just broke up, now what?” But… if God is telling you to let go of a bad relationship, a friend, or whatever else—know that He is protecting you. There’s been a fork in the road and that person isn’t going where you are going. After God removes people, you may go through what seems like a really quiet, dry season. During this season, God is preparing you and those people that used to be in your life weren’t qualified to continued life with you.  So, let Him lead you. I know it’s hard but what other option do we have? Let not make any more excuses of “easier said than done.” Lets instead say, God—I trust you. Lord, I need you. Lord, help me. Lord, I’m lonely. Lord, make me whole. Lord, break my heart until it breathes your heart. God,  help me.

God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out viawww.pinkypromiseboutiques.com

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 20,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via www.thegonow.com under events!

8. I'm headed to DC this Saturday and Detroit next Saturday! I would love to meet you! Check out my calendar above!

I'm on YouTube!!!

I'm super excited to announce that I've started a YouTube Channel! I've been meaning to start one for a couple years now, but I've just been busy with ministry, life and family! But, I believe that I'm graced for this season so I'm excited about posting what God places on my heart. I honestly don't care about lighting, looking perfect or whatever else-- you'll just get the raw, everyday Heather Lindsey sharing what God places on my heart.

 You can expect:

• Encouraging posts tackling daily struggles!
• Past & future sermons 
• Cooking Tips & maybe even a mini-show on how to make certain foods!
• Beauty Products + tips 
• And so much more! 

You can subscribe & watch the videos here: Heather Lindsey's Channel  

Love you all! 

The Titus 2 Woman: The Keeper of her Home

Can I be totally honest with you? My heart is broken with this generation of women. I'm not saying this as though I'm placing myself higher than anyone because I trust me, I don't think I'm better than anyone. My heart is broken as I sit in my quiet time before the Lord and then get up & live in this world. Women roll their eyes at submission as though I'm telling them that they are doormats, they are rebellious towards God as a single & then they get married & dominate their husbands. They complain their entire single life without appreciating that temporary season while chasing every man they see with two legs and a job. They refuse to learn how to cook, clean and they walk around with hair wraps on their head screaming "that man betta love me for me cuz if he doesn't then he doesn't deserve me." Well, sista- this is probably why you're single. Although this blog isn't about that subject, a wife is the crown of her husband and he's probably overlooking you with your house shoes, hair wrap, sweats and beautiful spirit and no matter how you flip it, men are visual creatures. (I will talk more about this in my book to single women coming out in July 2014)

I want to talk about the Titus 2 woman. I want to talk about her attributes. I want you to take a mirror and look into your heart and ask yourself: "Am I striving to be this woman, or am I lazy?" I'm going to clear the air about some areas & why you feel the way you do. Let's get started.

Titus 2:


3 Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. 4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children,

• I want you to search your heart. It's so easy for us to slander other people with our words, all in the name of: "you hear about this & that? Yeah, Imma' pray for her." But you aren't planning on praying for her. You enjoyed talking about her. It felt good to put someone down as you put yourself up on a pedestal. If you were serious about praying for her, you would sit before God as if it was YOUR issue and you would talk to HER about it and not everybody else. Why do we feel like we can put our wicked hearts on every person's life? It's fine to talk about people until the rumor is about you.
• Are you willing to sit down and talk to an older woman that really loves Jesus and submits to her husband? I honestly don't encourage you to talk to any o'le woman that has been divorced 4x and she has marriage and relationship advice for you. I encourage you to talk to a woman that loves Jesus, is submitted to her husband and is seasoned in training her children up in the way of Christ. There should be some FRUIT on her tree before you go skipping around & taking her advice.

 5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

• I love this part because it's actually my favorite part. "To work in their homes." The King James Version says the woman is the "keeper of her home." As a keeper of her home, I want you to imagine her as the goalie at a soccer game. Her eyes are on the entire field watching what is happening. She is anticipating the tests that are coming her way and she's ready to capture the ball when it comes her way. She refuses to let anything "hit" the net and if she has to throw herself down & sacrifice herself, she will make sure that net is protected. Well, this is what a woman is to do in her home. 
• As a wife, I don't play just "anybody" come up in my home unless I have total peace about them. I guard my home and our relationships like a hawk. I make sure that whoever is connected with our family recognizes that we love Jesus, we believe in submission, we believe in honoring our marriage, we don't curse in here, we have standards and we won't bend those standards to please anyone. If there's someone who tries to come into our safe place called our home and I feel like they are crushing on me or my husband, I shut down the relationship. I don't have time for a silly woman or a silly man to come & try to ruin my marriage. And it's not insecurity, it's wisdom. A wise woman is a KEEPER of her home. Remember that there's no such thing as JEALOUSY in a marriage. How can it be? You are ONE flesh. It's ONE body. You have full rights to each other & you are righteous in your desire for protecting your marriage. 
• And I'm not saying I don't let people that don't believe in my home, because we do allow certain people into our home & we love on them. But the minute division or drama tries to be brought to our steps, we shut it down. 
• I make sure the atmosphere of my home is warm & cozy. People that walk in always say, "It feels so warm & cozy here." God's presence dwells in our home and I stay on my face in prayer before God for my husbands & son's sins. I don't have time to let satan come in & ruin my family! He's LOOKING for a door into my HOUSE and I REFUSE to give him one!
• I recognize that bad company corrupts character (1 cor 15:33) and that this fight is spiritual. So, what spirits are people carrying into your house that are trying to transfer onto you?! You hang out with a woman who is divorced, hates men, is bitter and ONLY complains about how terrible marriage + men are.. you will soon begin to give your husband the side-eye. Shut.it.down. 

6 In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely. 7 And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. 8 Teach the truth so that your teaching can’t be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us.

• What type of example are you to others?! The streets are watching and they are wondering if you are really living for Jesus or is it just a "persona" that you put on as you continue to live for yourself. I remember calling into my local bank's 1800 fraud number because someone used my credit card for some internet dating site. I called & I said, I'm very married and happy-- there must be a mistake! Can someone please refund the money back to my card? The woman said sure, what's your name? I said, "Heather Lindsey" -- and she said OMG! I love you! I read your blog! Now, what if I got on the phone and started cussing and cutting up? I would have TOTALLY ruined my WITNESS. There's been so many times where I run into people that follow our ministry and I get tested in this area. Even with this being said, we shouldn't fear their opinions more than we fear God. We must WANT to love others and reflect the seriousness of the GOSPEL!

9 Slaves must always obey their masters and do their best to please them. They must not talk back 10 or steal, but must show themselves to be entirely trustworthy and good. Then they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive in every way.

• Ok, granted-- you aren't a slave, but how do you treat your boss, your husband? Are you constantly talking back to your man and talking AT him instead of talking TO him? Ya'll know how we do it. We are just so controlling and we think we know everything. But God is screaming out to you, "babygirl-- if you would just submit, me and your husband will protect you. But you keep removing your protection with that mouth of yours." And most of you don't have a problem talking back to your boss, because you respect him or her. Even if you don't you would never show it. My question stands: why do we respect our bosses more than we do our spouses?
• I don't know about YOU but, I want to make teaching about GOD our SAVIOR attractive in EVERYWAY! Are you serious?!?! Jesus DIED for me. He DIED. He saved me, He healed my broken heart. He healed my fearful heart. He loved me when I hated me, He reminded me of my value. He showed me my worth, He kept me. He provided for me. He loved me. You better believe I'm going to be a walking BILLBOARD for Jesus Christ and be totally free from people's opinions! Do you know that people will TALK about you & your love for Jesus? Saying, "It doesn't take all that, you think you're better than me." Actually, this isn't true. Your life convicts them and they aren't ready to change yet. So instead of supporting you, bitterness grows in their heart. So, what do you do? Keep loving them & LIVING this thing. Be patient (like the earlier scriptures) and show them that Jesus wants their entire life. 

11 For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people. 12 And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God, 13 while we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be revealed. 14 He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds.

• The word "devotion" stuck out to me in this scripture. WHAT or WHO are you devoted to on a regular basis? Whatever we give our time, energy and attention to on a regular basis is WHO we are devoted to. 
• Can I be transparent with you? I struggled greatly putting my PHONE down. I'm still working on this but I love to be connected & posting encouraging things! One day, God told me to put my phone down because I give it way more attention than I do Him. He was jealous over my PHONE. Are you serious? Lord, you ain't gotta compete with Verizon. You have my FULL attention whenever, however & right now. I don't want to be humbled & not have a phone, so let me go ahead & repent & ask God to help me. 
• Verse 14 says that Jesus gave His LIFE to free us from every sin. Every sin, every soul tie, every broken heart, every hurt, every pain, homosexuality, fornication & everything else! You don't have to be bound by your sin. Jesus took care of the sin factor when He went to the cross. Now, let's renew our minds & get on our face before God and take on a new way of thinking. If you refuse to spend time with God daily, you won't think like Him. You will think like your boss, your whoever and your whatever. In Christ, we have a new LANGUAGE. We are totally wrecked & changed from the inside OUT. 

I pray that you heard my heart on this message. My prayer to my sisters is that you start wherever you are in life. If you don't know how to cook, go on Pintrest & get some ideas. Start cooking for your friends & family. Be intentional about learning what foods work best for your body. Clean up your house! If you're too busy-- get a maid to come & help you out every now & then. Start disciplining yourself NOW so when you get married, there's an easier transition. If you're married, ask God to unclutter your heart & to help you in this journey to be a woman after His heart. Put your phone down, turn off the garbage on TV & sit quietly before Him. He's calling you back to Him woman of God.

And, please read my husband's blog titled" "Lead Her"-- as it will shed light from a males perspective!

God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey

Few things:

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out!www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 17,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & so far, about 80 couples have signed up!! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via www.thegonow.com under events!

"Long Distance Loves"

Hey everyone! :) I've been meaning to write this since forever ago but between traveling, the holidays, ministry and my little 9 month old, I'm swamped! Thanks for your patience as I am tryin' to blog as much as I can!

And this blog also applies to anyone who isn't married-- not just long distance loves! :)

I'm not sure if you're aware or not, but my now husband and I were long distance for 1 year and 7 months before we got married. People think for some reason that just because you're long distance, doesn't mean that you aren't tempted. If ANYTHING, the desires BUILD up and then when you see each other, you REALLY miss one another. This is why it's even more important to stay focused on Christ while courting. I want to share a bit of our story & what we did and encourage all of you who are in relationships long distance.

Let's be real on this thing. First and foremost, both parties need to be CHRISTIANS. Ya'll have to be saved, lovin' Jesus and really live for Him. Because if you aren't then convenience will tempt you to cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend because you have no standards. A relationship long distance CAN work if two people are willing to work at it. If your FLESH is running your life, I can assure you that it won't work out. Being long distance encourages communication because all you DO is TALK. If you hate communication & you aren't willing to put the work in, then, it most likely didn't work for you & whoever you were in a relationship with at the time. And trust me, you will need those communication skills once married. That season was totally WORTH it.

My now hubby lived in Atlanta and I lived in New York when we started courting. Due to his job, we were able to see each other on average of twice a month. When I traveled to Atlanta, I would stay in a hotel (the first 8 months) and then I stayed in his house and he stayed with a married couple for accountablity. When it was time to drop me off after we spent time together, he didn't walk me to my hotel room, he dropped me off right at the entrance. WHY put yourself in compromising situations by staying under the same roof? And please, lets stop staying under the same roof & say "we are in different rooms." What about that ONE night where you missed him or her SO much.. that you slept-walked your tail right into their bed & OOPS, while nobody was looking walked right into sex outside of marriage. Someone is always looking and that is Christ.

Let me break down cohabitation really quick because a certain famous singer said it was ok on TV to live together before marriage. It ain't biblical. Sexual immorality is condemned in about 25 passages in the New Testament. The Greek word for cohabitation is porneia, a word which includes all forms of illicit sexual intercourse. Jesus taught, "For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man 'unclean'" (Mark 7:21-23).

Paul said, "It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God" (1 Thess. 4:3-5).

Marriage is God's plan. Marriage provides intimate companionship for life (Gen. 2:18). It provides a context for the procreation and nurture of children (Eph. 6:1-2). And finally, marriage provides a godly outlet for sexual desire (1 Cor. 7:2).

(This is me & the now hubby when we were just courting. He would meet me right inside the entrance of the Westin. It's so cool that we now hold the Pinky Promise Conferences at the Westin. This was April of 2009!)

1 Corinthians 10:13 says:

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

What does the end of that verse say? It says "when you are tempted, He will show you a way out"-- now, God will show you a WAY out before you get into that bed. While you're on the plane to go visit. While you're thinking about what you want to do physically. While this .. or that. But YOU have a choice. So, what are you choosing in your relationship? Are you choosing to stay under the same roof? Are you choosing to place yourself in compromising situations? 

My now husband and I didn't travel together or go on vacation while we courted. For what? To stay up in a hotel room and put ourselves in every more compromising situations? We weren't married and boyfriends don't get husband privileges. My body didn't BELONG to my then boyfriend. 

We once traveled to my parents house and Cornelius flew to New York and we rented a car and drove to Michigan (17 hour trip!) We didn't stop at a hotel on the way there and Cornelius drove the ENTIRE 17 hours! As soon as we got there, I dropped him off at a hotel so he can go to sleep & I went back to my parents house. He called everyday when he was ready and I met him at the entrance of the hotel. I didn't go up to his room and "watch" a movie or "cuddle." Matter of fact, we didn't watch movies OR cuddle. Again, why would you even put yourself in those situations? One rub leads to a touch, leads to something else. We both knew our equipment worked, so why even test out something and end up feeling guilty, condemned or whatever else? 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us to "Abstain from every form of evil." Abstain defined means: To refrain from something by one's own choice. So, you have a choice to either choose God or to choose to live for satan. Stop telling me that you love Jesus if you keep that person in your bed. John 8:44 says that your father is the the devil because you love the things that he loves. What are some things that he loves?

• Lust
• Fornication
• Adultery 
• All types of evil
• Sexual sins 
• Tempting situations

So, the point of this blog is for you to know that yes, things can work but Christ must be in the center of it all. I would get on a plane and leave New York and know that I will get right back on the plane and return to New York with a hug only. And a church hug at that! My husband and I waited to kiss until our wedding day so there was no nothing prior to 8/14/2010. 

So, here's some practical tips of makin' things work when you're long distance. 

1. Communication is key. All you have is the phone and computer so you have to set time aside in your busy schedule to TALK and communicate. Cornelius used to work at this job where he worked 60+ hours a week and was extremely busy. Although I was very busy as well, I noticed that sometimes, we wouldn't chat everyday. It bothered me. How are you going tell me that you love me & that you want to marry me one day and you refuse to text or pick up the phone but you can post on facebook? I told him that he makes time for what is important to him and if he wants me in his life, he's going to have to make me a priority by picking up the phone, even if he is "tired." From that point in the courtship on, he called me and texted me throughout the day. Remember, that a person makes time for what is important to them.

2. Be creative! Although we didn't go to the movies together (only went 1x) we had a date night, together-- but in different cities! We found a movie that was playing at the same time and we went 

alone in our individual cities and talked about the movie afterward! 

3. Be patient. It costs money at times to set up boundaries, such as paying for a hotel room, etc. See if you can crash with friends or family nearby but make a point to not stay under the same roof, even if you've done it before. Remember, that we want God to honor our relationships and if we are gonna live this thing, we have to give 100% of our hearts to Jesus. Sex outside of marriage AND foreplay "clouds" your vision of that person. You don't see them for who they are because you're blinded by sex. So, once you stop having sex or get married-- the smoke clears & you're like... did he always walk with a limp? 

4. Purchase your flights on Tuesdays! They are always cheapest!

5. Avoid late night convos! We refused to talk on the phone super late because if we stay on the phone all night long, we will be too tired to get up and pray the next day & function at work. We refused to be a distraction to each other! So, we made a point to talk to each other as soon as we got off work and then again after dinner. 

6. Set boundaries and KEEP them when you're traveling to different states to meet one another. I know you missed each other but running and jumping and "bear" hugging each other ... well, can I be honest? You will naturally feel each others goodies through that hug & you may want more? Don't front like you don't know! :) 

7. Guard your heart. Make sure that you don't have people in your ear talking crazy about sex outside of marriage or "your relationship won't work" when you KNOW for a fact that it's God. I actually had a friend tell me that my now husband "wasn't" the one because he was a leader & she was used to me leading my past relationships. Needless to say, we aren't friends anymore. We got married & became one, so if you don't like my hubby, you don't like me. 

8. Get my husband's book, "So, You Want To Be Married?"-- seriously. At the end of the book, there's over 200+ questions that you should ask each other "Before you Say I Do." We asked each other those questions on that 17 hour trip from NYC to Michigan. So, if it seems like you want MORE to talk about, start there. You will ask each other questions like, "What is your Purpose", to "How important is sex within marriage" or "How do you plan on raising your children," or "Describe your upbringing what you would do differently with your children."

9. Trust the God in him or her. The cool thing about being long distance is that you have NO choice but to really trust that person. So, settle in your heart that they are God's best (after GOD has showed you) and that you will simply believe the best, even if you cannot get in touch with them after a few hours. 

10. Surprise each other!! I remember a time where Cornelius was super hungry and mentioned that he was in a bunch of meetings that day. So, I ordered food, paid for it and had it delivered to him. And vice versa! He would send me flowers to work or write me poems, etc. So, surprise each other with little things like letters, care packages and whatever else! 

11. Bonus: Take turns visiting each other. One person doesn't want to feel like they're putting in ALL of the effort to make the relationship work. Both sides must sacrifice in order to make the relationship work! But remember, boundaries, boundaries & more boundaries when ya'll do see other!

If I can be totally transparent, being long distance made me love & appreciate my now husband even more because I remember those days where I had to get back on a plane and go back to New York. Now, I get to see him daily! Not only that, we both work from home together all day and we travel 50% out of every month! Since we've been married, we've been to over 100 states & countries together! It's almost like God said, "ok, you want to honor me while courting & you refuse to go on vacations together.. now you're married & you honored me.. let me honor you."

Remember, that it's all temporary. One day, you will get married and wake up to each other every single day. So don't fret. 

And if things didn't work out with someone long distance, don't let it turn you off from trying to work things out with someone else. The difference is this: Your commitment to Christ. If you're both focused on Him-- you're on the same page going towards ONE goal, which is pleasing HIM. So, it's going to take some extra sacrifice & work, but you're marrying someone not that you can live WITH, but someone you cannot LIVE without.. even if they are a few states away. So, if you know that person is RIGHT, don't let your emotions from NOT seeing each other make you feel like "this isn't going to work." Instead, develop THROUGH those emotions & give that care to God. That person cannot fix you, only Christ can do that. 

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think modest, fashionable, affordable clothes for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out!www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 17,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com


God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey